Your bathroom cabinet has more going on than most people’s entire personalities. Magnesium, herbs and supplements, a tongue scraper, something fermenting on the windowsill that you swear is “gut health, not neglect.” You didn’t choose the wellness life — the wellness life chose you, then handed you a very long receipt.
Who Are The Wellbeing Alchemists?
You’re never finished. Retreats, breathwork, a new elimination diet every quarter, herbalists on speed dial — you treat your own body like a long-term renovation project, and honestly, the results speak for themselves. The trouble is finding someone who doesn’t think “biohacking” is a personality flaw, or worse, doesn’t have one wellness opinion to their name.
The Dating Problem, Specifically
Most people on a first date order a pint and chips and call it a night. You’re doing the mental maths on seed oils while being polite about it. It’s not that you’re difficult — you just live at a different frequency, and dating someone who’s never questioned what’s in their moisturiser gets old fast.
Dating Tips for The Wellbeing Alchemist
1. Say the quiet part in your bio. Don’t soften it to “healthy lifestyle.” Say “will ask what’s in your smoothie before I ask your surname.” It filters out the wrong people instantly and makes the right ones grin.
2. Pick a first date your gut will thank you for. A breathwork class, a walk with proper tea after, anything that isn’t three pints and a kebab. You’ll actually get to see how someone behaves outside a fog of small talk and lager.
3. Don’t apologise for the supplement shelf. If someone makes a joke about it on date two, that’s data. If they ask what half of them actually do, keep them.
4. Watch how they handle “no.” Someone who respects that you’re not drinking, not eating gluten, not doing the thing tonight — without a sigh or a speech — is worth ten who perform enthusiasm about your green juice and mean none of it.
5. Retreats are basically speed dating for your actual values. You’re already surrounded by people who get it. Stop treating that as a coincidence and start treating it as a strategy.
Where the Alchemists Actually Belong
This is the whole reason the Wellbeing Alchemist tribe exists at Not Your Usual Crowd — so you’re not explaining adaptogens to someone who thinks you mean a Pokémon.
Take the quiz to confirm your tribe, and get matched with people who’ll split a retreat deposit with you before they even ask for your number.
You’re not “too much.” You’re just correctly dosed for someone else.
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