My friends have a phrase they use whenever we go somewhere new.
“Caren… please don’t make it weird.”
The problem is, I genuinely don’t know where the “weird” bit starts. In my head, I’m just having a normal conversation.
Someone might mention the weather, and my brain doesn’t just hear “Nice weather today.”
No. My brain takes a little detour. I start thinking about geo engineering, weather manipulation, I start thinking of the last storm I thought was man made!!
So I start editing my words before I open my mouth, I reply with “Yeah its weird huh’ Im thinking don’t say it, dont say it, then ‘I did notice no chem trails in the sky this morning, perhaps that’s responsible for the clear skies” Then I watch my new potential friend shift very uncomfortably away from me, giving me the pity look like Ive lost my mind.
I’ve always found it funny that some people seem to have received a handbook on how to do normal conversations…And somehow mine got lost in the post. Small talk has never really been my favourite thing. Not because I think I’m better than it, (I promise, I know weather updates are useful information.) But because I’ve always been fascinated by what sits underneath things. The whys, the whats ifs.
For years, I wondered why I struggled to fit into certain spaces, I have a wild sense of humour and a dark undertone, my ADHD helps me not find the word I’m looking for at times, making for gappy communication and I just see things very differently to others. Not only was my communication skills off, I would start feeling your energy, getting a gist of how your feeling, what’s going on in your life and so sometimes the words leaving peoples mouths, didn’t match the energy they were emitting. So it was a struggle assessing the entry point to each conversation.
Luckily for me and a lot of other people, I started meeting like minded people who were on their spiritual path and awake like me. People who didn’t look open wide eyes when I let the stuff flow from my mouth!
People who understood why I could get excited about nature, consciousness, meditation visions, healing, adventure, or some random thought that had just appeared in my head.
And I realised something…Maybe I wasn’t too much. Maybe I was just around people who weren’t tuned into the same frequency.
Not everyone believes the same things as me and that’s perfectly fine, but there are people out there just like me who I can allow my weird to flow, and we can bounce of eachother.
And maybe that’s why I created Not Your Usual Crowd.
Because I know what it feels like to walk into a room and wonder “Am I the only , one who thinks like this?”
So if you’ve ever felt like you missed the memo on how to be “normal”… If your brain takes unexpected journeys… If you’ve ever had a friend look at you and say: “Please don’t make it weird.” Maybe you’re not weird.
Maybe you’ve just been looking for your crowd, and now you have.
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